Coping Strategies for Teenagers and Young Adults
October 2002
If you're under 21 and have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, you may have an advantage over me if it leads to greater self-awareness and helps equip you with the insights into neurotypical social behaviour you'll need to survive in an often hostile world. On the other hand your AS diagnosis may be a mixed blessing if it merely lumps you with a label and deep sense of social inferiority.
- Be proud of who you are. While you may gain intriguing insights into the glaring contradictions of neurotypical (neurotypical describes people who display neurologically typical behaviour characterised by instinctive socialisation)behaviour and even succeed in emulating their social skills albeit in small doses, you'll never be exactly like them, and they'll never be exactly like you. Besides who said all NTs (short for neurotypical persons) were the same anyway! They may be drunks, drug addicts, end up as destitute tramps or suffer bipolar disorders. They may squander their hard-earned cash on futile socializing rituals and worthless consumerist junk. Don't copy the weaknesses of mainstream human beings, build on your strengths for certainly you have many.
- Wise up to the smarmy deceit of some neurotypicals. Remember it's not just second nature to them, it's a survival instinct. Study their behaviour and consider the hidden meanings behind their words and deeds! Do people's actions reflect their words? Remember most people need to look after number one, but would like to show concern for others or avoid offending those whom they might find useful at some time.
- Remember bullying is always a sign of psychological weakness. It may be hard at times as many bullies may start by pretending to be your friends. If they have a problem associating with you because it lowers their status within a given social group (be it a class, office, club, factory etc.), that's their problem, not yours.
- Steer clear of potential trouble! That doesn't mean don't have fun or don't pursue your interests or ambitions, just don't rely on anyone who is trying to use you. If you cannot cope with social rituals like parties, don't bother! Join clubs to meet others who share your interests!
- Don't rely on higher authorities to make your life easier at school, college or work. It's one sure way of making yourself very unpopular. Remember many in a position of power are there because their excellent presentational skills (or spinning in modern parlance) enable them to enforce conformity without losing their cool or appearing too authoritarian. Reporting bullies to head teachers or HR managers should be a last resort. Besides your worst enemies are probably working behind the scenes. Explicit bullies virtually always have problems of their own.
- Do stand up for your rights and learn when to point out unfair treatment, but wait for bullies to do something completely out of order. These days NTs in a position of power love to talk about a tolerant society that embraces all kinds of people, but are just cogs in the same system that is often the root cause of many of our woes. E.g. if you suffer from sensory overloads and cannot tolerate loud noise, point this out! You have a good excuse. A good strategy is to empathise with others at work, who may be victims of mainstream prejudice for whatever reason. Remember most NTs like to think they're fair and considerate members of the community, while surreptitiously scheming against their competitors and foes. The one thing many hate most is for us to expose their innate opportunism.
- Do pursue your special interests and do not be ashamed if they're not cool. If humanity had no nerds or anoraks, who would have invented the transistor or who would have dreamed up the special theory of relativity? Humanity needs people like us to think different and focus on a few circumscribed subjects. If your passion for the design of lampposts leads to the invention of self-powering streetlights (why not install small wind turbines on every lamppost?), it hardly matters if you can't sing, dance and socialise. That's what run-of-mill-folks do, not us, we're special.
- Don't bore others with your special interests if they don't share your passion or simply don't understand you. NTs might feign interest, but if they're not asking sensible questions, chances are they are expecting you to change subject or waiting for an excuse to leave. However, if the subject is urgent, present your case in a cool, calm and concise way.
Neil Gardner October 2002