How To Cope - Interview with an Aspie Girl
by Stella MacDonald
May 2002
Remember if a 'symptom' is relieved without tackling the 'trigger', then another 'symptom' may appear in its place. These 'symptoms' should be seen as a problem needing solving, not a personal affront.
When working towards change, try to concentrate on achieving goals I rewards. This method is much more effective than using punishment. Too much to learn! Praise, by all means, but do not be too extreme. Allow 'time out' to allow for processing information.
Many suffer with low self esteem. It is important that they play a part in the problem solving discussions. Their efforts should be recognised and praised.
- Distract rather than react.
- Listen to them and take what they say seriously. It is very real to them.
- Be clear. It's their behaviour you don't approve of - NOT THEM!
- Be honest. Are we perfect? Apologise for any negative response, explaining why it happened.
- Prepare at all times. Be consistent.
- If you make a promise, keep to it.
- Do define the limits
They need to learn to make the right decision and to trust themselves..
Create opportunities where they will succeed. They will increase their self esteem and feel more in control. Anxieties will reduce.
Losing your temper, once in a while, is natural and realistic - but don't lose control.
Interview
Samantha (name has been changed), was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome aged 71/2 years (P4). The following questions and answers were written the day after she had disclosed to her mother how she felt about life, as per statement no.8, a few days before her 8th birthday. She had never disclosed this information before, so it came as a shock to her parents and teachers.
1) Who do you play with at school and why?
I play with Joanne because we like animals games.
2) Why don't you play with the other children?
I don't understand the other children's games.
3) What do you like to play?
I like chasy.
4) Do you like playing mums and dads, or doctors and nurses?
I don't like any human games, but I love my mummy.
5) How do the children behave towards you? How does that make you feel?
The children bully me. I feel unhappy.
6) Do you like doing as you are told?
I don't like doing what I'm told, I like things to go my way!
7) How do you feel about school?
I don't like the way the school behaves to me.
8) Please write down what you told me last night?
If there were magic lamps in this world It would grant me 3 wishes and my first wish would be if I could die instead of to go to school, because school is my worst enemy.
9) What is your teacher like?
My teacher is very nasty to me, she shouts at me, she makes me feel like crying.
10) Is (here anything else?
She glares at me and it makes me feel angry.
11) How do you feel most of the time in class?
Most of the time she makes me feel cared.
12) Is there anything eke that bothers you?
I still feel as if I am going to be locked in the classroom.
(Not long after her diagnosis, and without auxiliary help, Samantha had, on one occasion, been inadvertently locked in the classroom during a PE lesson)
13) Do you like doing your work at school? why?
I don't like doing my work, I don't always understand her.
14) Is there anything else you don't understand?
I don't understand why she shouts at me.
(Apparently Samantha was rarely spoken to in a loud voice. However, it was discovered that when the teacher was dealing with another child, Samantha did not realise that this was not aimed at her, unless told.)
15) Realising that Samantha's disclosure of this information was rather stressful for her, she was comforted and told:
"I just want to tell you that you are a very clever and beautiful girt, and I love you so very, very much."
Samantha's reply was:
I don't think I'm clever. I don't think I look very nice.
16) What are the problems you have with yourself?
I have a lot of temptations. The temptations make me do bad things. I get into trouble. I can't help doing them, I can't stop myself
17) Are you frightened of anything? why?
I'm frightened of the taps and the toilets, because I think they are alive.
18) Are you happy at school?
I am happy hardly ever in school, I don't understand school.
19) What are the children like towards you?
The children call me names.
20) Why do you think they call you names?
No-one really likes me.
21) How long have you been unhappy at school?
I am unhappy since Mrs. took over. (P1)
22) Who are your friends?
Joanne and Vicky are half friends to me, but sometimes they treat me nicely.
23) Will you please write down how you feel about telling me all this?
I have took all of it out if my mind.
24) Anything eke you want to put dowii?
All of this is coming from my heart.
25) Who is your best friend?
My mummy is my best friend because she is very nice, kind, beautiful and grateful.
February 1994
Stella MacDonald